Peaceful Rest Valley is the biggest outdoor dungeon yet. It’s a very weird place, with the vaguely threatening music over the sound of rushing water, and the strangely beautiful contrast of the pale grass and the purple water. It’s surprisingly labyrinthian, and it’s filled with useful goods and, of course, deadly new baddies. Those that… Continue reading Peaceful Rest Valley, and a suprise

In Onett, enemies did not appear within the boundaries of town. In Twoson, some of the townsfolk ARE bad guys! These guys are mostly soft, but they start introducing some ridiculous and tricky strategies, brushing their teeth and acting like drunk weirdos to buff, debuff, and stun. Anyway, from this point on, I’m not going… Continue reading Trolling in Twoson

Hail the conquering hero!! Wait what Well, now I gotta go down to the precinct and explain myself to this guy. So here you are. You’re the little delinquent that came back from Giant Step!Now you listen here… “Don’t Enter” means just that– DO NOT ENTER! You gotthat?And furthermore…Blah blahBlah blahIt’s usually those tax evaders… Continue reading Hug tha Police

Ness gets money from his bank account, which is jointly owned by his father. For every enemy you defeat, Dad deposits the appropriate amount of money. With your trusty ATM card you can withdraw money from and deposit money into Ness’ account. Why would you want to put your money away? Well, get this. Here’s… Continue reading Death and ATM Fees

All right, let’s get through this shack and get to where we’re going to. Giant Step is the first official dungeon in Earthbound, and several new elements come to light with the introduction of some new BAD DUDES!! All of them are rodents. Rowdy Mouse’s thing is that it has a really high critical hit… Continue reading Dungeon anatomy – A Giant Step in the right direction

The Minch Family are classless assholes. Picky, as the youngest son, isn’t so bad, because he hasn’t been alive long enough to be indoctrinated. But Aloysius Minch and Lardna Minch, are all serving, two-faced jackasses. Classless really is the word. Like, how classless would you have to be to accuse a kid’s dad of welching… Continue reading The Minch Family

I said before that it’s impossible to write about Earthbound without writing about your personal experience with it. Well, I’m punching my card right now. Ness’ hometown of Onett is tied so closely to my hometown in my head that I sometimes I think the developers took a trip to Bergen County, New Jersey for… Continue reading Onett: Bad kids and dumb adults try to ruin summer for everyone again

So here’s the first real trick you can pull in Earthbound. I’m not sure if I’d suggest this for first time players, because it kind of breaks up the flow of the beginning of the game, and you might end of a little over-leveled. Some people might like that. What you want to do is… Continue reading PROTIP: Get all the cookies

Buzz Buzz is a bee from 10 years in the future who tells you of your destiny to cease the devastation of the universal cosmic destroyer, Giygas. Pokey hears the buzzing before you do. If Pokey wasn’t around, you might have missed out on your destiny entirely. What I love about Buzz Buzz’s appearance is… Continue reading The Coming of Buzz Buzz

Only once Pokey recruits you to find Picky and the Onett police have left do savage beasts appear on the road to the meteorite. There are only three kinds to start, but they teach you so much of what to expect. The Coil Snake is the single weakest enemy in the game, and gives you… Continue reading Bad Guys in the Hills